So, despite the fact we are absolutely inundated with orders from all you lovely folk I managed to find a few hours to do a slap up job on my field maple. We are currently shifting about 3/4 of a ton of goods every single day and both Richard and myself are suffering under the weight of it all but, the show must go on. I would rather drop dead of exhaustion than boredom.
My oldest and best mate Stu’ was on hand to lend a hand which made for a very pleasant few hours and a nice break. Here’s a quick video of the work. I know a great many of our customers love deciduous bonsai. Getting a good foundation laid early on is so important, I thought ya’ll might like to Take a Sneaky Peek at This!
Thought I would post a quickie just to keep you lovelies updated on what I have been up to this week. For a change it’s ALL good news.
Most importantly I have finally resolved a very serious issue with an import we have been struggling with since mid-June. The goods are now safely tucked up in my warehouse and last night I slept properly for the first time in weeks. The main stream media were mostly obsessed with inflation figures yesterday. I can tell you exactly why UK inflation is so high. We are absolutely and entirely dependant for almost everything we need to survive upon foreign imports. The burdens put upon that process by government have made it all but impossible in some cases and in just as many an unattractive proposition. That’s why we no longer import bonsai, it’s too complicated, expensive and risky for a little guy to touch. That’s now beginning to effect a lot more than our little world. The end result? Everything costs more.
In a rare upbeat moment I would say I am in favour of us living smaller lives. Many of us seem to have everything these days, the average Joe seems to have riches and privilege my parents would only have dreamed about 70 years ago. Folk today need a lot more respect for what we have been given. I think I would like to live in Great Britain in the 1920s and 30s. Life was a lot harder for most, dentistry was not what it is now and most everything was local.
Our village has a magazine, some glossy affair that appears on my floor from time to time. In a recent issue they featured an excerpt from a Kelly’s Directory from the early 1930s. Back then this village only had a few houses, nothing like today. However within the stretch of a decent walk I could obtain everything from a loaf of bread to a surgical operation.
Our little village was primarily a market garden area but we had a solicitor, a pharmacist, doctors, dentists, bakers, farmers and growers of almost everything including cut flowers. There were vets, school teachers, builders, a car garage, machine shops, a blacksmith and even a trucking company.
However today I want some bits and bobs for my poly tunnel rebuild and I have to go online and order everything up from some monstrous shed in the midlands for delivery tomorrow because these huge soulless companies have put all the little local guys out of business.The best old fashioned family owned hardware store in the world was just 3 miles from here. It had traded in the area since 1938 and spread across the county. The big store by me was doing great and had done for decades before Screwfix opened directly opposite.
Recently that hardware chain closed it’s last little village shops and is no more. Now if I want to buy a pair of hinges these faceless shops with virtually no employees don’t carry much of anything. I can go pick one up today and get the other delivered tomorrow because they only have one in stock. Sorry but WTF use is one hinge? I used to pop into that old store, it was called Coopers. I knew the folk there and they had time for me and my stupid questions. Now all i get is a blank stare from some poor kid who has no ability to connect with anything unless it appears on a screen. Ask him a question like what type of screw is best for oak wood and you’ll get those familiar two syllables so prevalent in our society today. ….dunno!
So, just a quick update on the tunnel project. This has turned into something more than I anticipated but seeing as it’s no longer required for the raising of large numbers of commercial trees I have appropriated it as my own. I’m reusing all the old materials and adding quite a lot of other peoples old stuff too. I’m hoping to create a practical, useful and somewhat more appealing space than what had become, if i’m honest, a bit of a shit-hole. The last week has seen a lot done both inside and out. For an old wheeze who spends too much time in front of a screen this has proven to be what shall I say…..? Hard! K’in hard in fact but I love doing this stuff. It’s been 17 years since I did this all first time around and back then my dad was helping which he no longer can and I miss our constant arguing and bickering plus everything takes so much longer now. Still I’ve not managed to break myself yet and progress is good.
On other fronts we have had a painter in these last couple of weeks which has caused chaos. We work from home and when we came into this house nearly eighteen years ago it was pristine. It’s not been touched since, running our business has been all consuming. As a result the place is trashed. There’s even places where the laminate flooring has completely worn away down to the underlay. Time to put that all right.
And even more good news. A new bike this week, in the spirit of living a smaller life I have been busy condensing my crazy collection of bikes into fewer but better examples. I’m losing my shirt on most sales, the demand for average bikes has collapsed though special and rare machines are in ever increasing demand and so that’s what i’m doing. The last deal of the year was this 1981 Harley Davidson Lowrider (FXS for those that know). It’s an original factory paint matching numbers bike restored with a light touch by one of the countries best classic Harley guys.. I own a hens tooth folks 🙂
Meanwhile outside the autumn colour has been blazing and Baxter’s been sleeping between bouts of tearing the place up and finding clever places to crap. I love my life! Now, where have my boot laces gone?
I’ll be brief today, the sun’s out, it’s warm and I do not want to be inside slapping this keyboard. It’s been an insane week here at KB world headquarters but as of this Friday morning it’s mostly worked out okay.
The Harley Davidson Softail Slim CVO, she’s a bit loud. Oak tree for good measure.
It all started so well, Sunday saw me off bright and early in beautiful warm sunshine, destroying the early morning peace of the county as me and my Softail headed to the flatlands of Cambridgeshire to do a deal on a vintage Harley. That went very well.
Back in the beginning of September we had a bit of an issue as the Plastic Hoop-house of Bonsai Dreams (my poly tunnel) opened up like the pocket of a cheap suit. We had a 20′ opening in the roof which, if you’ve any experience of such things, you’ll know is almost impossible to patch, even temporarily. I’ve been dreading the day but it finally arrived.
I assembled our tunnel way back in 2008. I bought the very best materials available, took my time and did a proper job and as a result the cover (known as the sheet) has lasted all these 17 years. Now covering a tunnel’s not hard but after all those years it was so completely packed inside and built up around the outside to the point it has taken Richard and I over a month to empty it out and remove all the surrounding benches, screens, fencing and undergrowth. There’s about 2 tons of concrete blocks and almost that in railway sleepers and of course everything has sunk into the ground a bit too. The undergrowth, ivy, bindweed, brambles were nearly 2 days work alone.
Then, as is the way with greenhouses, i had amassed hundreds and hundreds of used plastic plant pots and the like. There was a 1000L water tank and crap I had forgotten entirely. Almost all of that was given away thanks to facebook. Then I had to remove nearly a ton of bonsai pots that had been squirrelled away under the benches, found some utter shite alongside a few gems. The spiders were a force to be reconned with. Then the benches all had to come out and their blocks, even the famous green filing cabinets are on the move.
So after a month of being a sweaty dusty old man we were finally ready for the guys from First Tunnels to come and refurb’ the whole thing. They were booked for Monday but called to put me off until Wednesday. They arrived Wednesday lunch time and left Thursday late morning. If you need anything to do with poly-tunnels get a hold of these amazing guys. It’s NOT often i’m impressed but credit where it’s due. Incredible work, service and priced just right. It was a bit weird looking down the garden and not seeing my hoop house for a couple of hours there.
So now that sheet’s replaced (lets hope this one goes 20 years) the real work can begin, everything’s getting renewed, replaced or upgraded, i’m hoping to be done by Christmas. We’ll see.
The old and busted hoop-house, I wore it smooth out.
Long overdue for replacement.
Concrete blocks piled up everywhere.
Gone! Very strange to see it not there.
Nice shiny new sheet in place. The rebuild begins.
With all that going on we have also been wrestling with Baxter the puppy (pissing machine). He’s a Patterdale and an instinctive ratter. That means he gets into every tiny crevice, sticks his nose into every hole, digs, chases, chews and generally makes an f’ing nuisance of himself and once he’s done that he sleeps. He’s loved the tunnel work and has been constantly covered in cobwebs and worse. Still, at least he’s not been in the pond again this week.
Baxter. Honestly he can be a little bastard.
Catherine has been buried in VAT paperwork and I have been continuing to bang (literally) my head against a wall over a customs issue that’s been loosing me sleep for six weeks now. I have also been moving goods from all over and next seasons pots (at least some of them) are now on the water. I have been busy listing lots of new Japanese goods this week too after a troublesome time, again with customs reg’s and inefficient tossers in Broken Britain. We’ve also been busy getting your orders, for which we are extremely grateful, out the door in a timely fashion. This running a business malarkey’s not for everyone I know and increasingly I wonder if it’s for me either.
Bonsai pots are finally on the water.
So, overall a successful week, at least the tunnel’s now secure and dry and the refurb has begun. And then, to top it all off I have a blog post and a new short video to share too. Not bad for an oldun i recon. Of course I could not do any of this without YOUR support. THANK YOU!
As it happens I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs waiting on three imports. We’ve goods coming from Japan, China and Eu and so I have had opportunity to complete yet ANOTHER bonsai video.
Just before you go off to see that let me get this off my plate….
Trigger warning! Don’t read the following if you are a Trigger, you may be offended. My apologies to any RM or PF employees.
For one reason or another these imports are all being delayed, nothing ever seems to happen on schedule any more. For instance…. Just getting a parcel delivered by……so called PARCELFORCE (always sounds like the name of some shit superhero to me) is a task.
Just last week I had to take a half day out and do a fifty mile round trip to pick up a parcel they were incapable of delivering. Just to make matters worse I also got a flat tyre which cost me a ton to replace. I couldn’t park within a half mile either. When I eventually got to the counter the guy glibly threw my way “You could have done this online you know, would have saved a trip.”🤬
Just to fill in the blanks Catherine (she’s expert at this stuff) had, to that point, spent more than 12 business hours trying to resolve their incompetence. Businesses charge clerical work at £30-40 an hour so that sucks. I then lost a whole morning and aforesaid tyre alongside another score for diesel. I won’t tell you what I said to the meathead behind the counter. To be fair I think I woke him from a nap.
Now I remember (as I understand it) when so called “Parcelforce” didn’t exist, we used to call it Royal Mail* before some bright spark decided to split the parcels operation from letter post (1986). No doubt there were some handsome rewards for the creation of this new wonder of the modern age. However, following a spectacular ‘oversight’ someone failed to consider falling mail volumes and how the world was changing. That and some other factors led to Royal Mail letters division basically going broke because their remit is almost impossible to fulfil profitably without the parcels business, especially as bulk trunking services were also contracted out to third parties leaving the poor old RM with the so called ‘last mile‘. What we might colloquially call the shitty end of the stick.
Again as I understand it the gov’ has a legal obligation to ensure a daily postal service to every home. However they don’t want to pay for it but the money we pay barely covers operating costs (which of course are too way to high). The business had it’s hands tied by that same gov’ because people like the idea of cheap stamps leaving the RM incapable of controlling either it’s charges or to some degree it’s costs. And so the two are now merging again, as it turns out, with typical British incompetence.
Parcels are profitable, letters are not so here’s an idea…..why don’t Royal Mail do both…………………………………… as they used to. Like my mum used to say ‘Put it back where you found it!‘ The whole story stinks to high heaven IMHO.
The reason my parcels (there are 30 of them in total) vanished is because both companies are using different systems which do not communicate, nor do the people and there is no person to person contact in the system and nobody to call or mail. Catherine spent FOUR hours on hold calling these f***wits only to be told you can “do this online” WHICH YOU FUCKING WELL CAN’T!
Add to that customs randomly taking items out of the system for weeks at a time and failing to make contact. The whole system then seems to rely upon a little card dropping through our door. There was one for each box, only about 7 turned up, the rest were either never sent or lost. If the parcels were not claimed they are dumped (i’ve over a grand in each parcel). So far i am £980 out of pocket (we’re not finished yet) directly and then I have to add all of my own costs. Thankfully Catherine is brilliant, she knows how to get this shit done even if the folk doing it don’t.
The above account is accurate for my part, my knowledge of the actual events historical and otherwise is limited. Pissy comments will be ignored. I am quite simply beyond giving a Scheiße any more. Thank you for hearing me out lovely readers.
Now, i’m off to lay in a quite dark place. Enjoy the movie 😄
Graham.
*1516: Sir Brian Tuke is appointed the first Master of the Posts by Henry VIII, establishing the initial postal system for royal use. 1784: The name “Royal Mail” is officially given to the service during a period of increased use of mail coaches across the country.
With Christmas madness about to descend upon us all I guess it’s that time of year when tossers like me who conceitedly write blogs have to take stock of the year all but passed. 2024 was a year of milestones and some bonsai videos too. Growing up my family weren’t ones for making a fuss, birthdays, Christmas etc’ would come and go with relatively little fanfare. So forgive me for not being overly effusive but it seems appropriate to at least mention a few significant milestones that both I and we here at KB passed over the last year.
I have never been one for celebrations but seeing as I passed the grand old age of 60 in September I thought it would be nice for once to stage a celebration with my besties. However by the time the day arrived I had scaled back my plans to virtually nothing and so mostly the family got together for the evening and that was pretty much that. My first birthday celebration since I was a kid!
Another big mile stone that went by without a thought was the 20th anniversary of my full time employment by Kaizen Bonsai. YES it’s now more than 20 years since we bought Colin Lewis’s Bonsai Mart and dear God has that been an experience. Looking on the bright side we are still here, just about. Hanging on by the skin of what few teeth I have left thanks to the British, so called, ‘government‘ rogering us with a toilet brush every time we try to do something. Back when we started it was so much easier but nowadays the price of everything makes my eyes water and the margins are just too small. I’m committed now so we have to carry on but if you were to ask me, as is traditional at these moments of reflection, if I would do it all again my reply would be “Absolutely not!”.
What would I have done 20 years ago assuming I knew then what I know now? Think Budd (Michael Madsen) from the film Kill Bill. My ideal life would be just that, less the ignominious end of course. I now know all I need is a shitty trailer home in the desert, a pickup truck and a Harley shovelhead, possibly a little dog with attitude and a shitty job. My sister went to the US back in her teens and never came back, it broke my mothers heart and I just couldn’t follow her but there’s rarely a day I don’t wish I had.
2024 was also the year I lost my mother-in-law, the mother of my first lady who I lost to the big-C thirty years ago. Whilst we were never close, she was a unique sort of person, her passing reunited me with Tina’s brother who I had not seen for decades. Shane’s reappearance has been a fantastic and enriching experience for the whole family, it’s like those intervening years never happened. This whole business and a funeral bought back some very powerful memories for me and what we had to endure back then and that’s all I have to say about that.
I have been exceptionally blessed this year to have acquired several large bonsai collections. Once upon a time these would have come and gone within weeks. However now that the movement of trees is more difficult than moving cocaine or illegals around I keep everything I get. For decades now every time a tree started to look good it was sold. As a result I have been denied the joy of seeing my bonsai develop and mature. Thankfully now that’s not the case and I’m able to make plans and develop my lovely bonsai without being concerned they might disappear at any moment. As it turns out I do have some skill and the trees are making sterling progress.
I was particularly excited to obtain the collection of Harry Nicholl. A stalwart of the Scottish bonsai scene for many decades. We met at a shitty motorway services on the A1 in the depth of winter and loaded his beautiful trees into my van. Whilst I only spent a half hour with Harry (in his eighties) I took to him instantly, what a lovely man. Imagine my horror when three months later I learned he had passed quite suddenly. I had been so looking forward to telephone conversations about the stories and techniques behind those trees. I don’t take to most people, folk scare the shit out of me and because I lack almost any social skills i’m best on my own. To meet a gentleman like Harry and instantly take to him, for me, never happens and I’m so sad he’s gone but I love his trees that I will cherish for the rest of my days.
Talking of being social…. This year I was equally pleased and apprehensive to be involved in Peter Chan’s Bonsai Journeys event in September. Were it not for Kevin Willson’s intervention I would NEVER have done something like that. In the end I had a great weekend, met some interesting folk and came away with a little more understanding of how you lovely folk appreciate what I do. It’s a bit odd to be held in high esteem by so many people and something i’m just not really aware of seeing as I don’t go out much these days so, thank you all so much and please, don’t be afraid to send me compliments at any time. Also please do pick up the phone once in a while, apparently it’s good to talk.
Other notable events in the last year include a second grand-baby Eveline (no 3 is in the oven). My 29th anniversary married to Catherine without whom I would be utterly useless. My parents 65 odd anniversary and its been 25 years since I first started working with Kevin Willson. Then just for good measure I lost a bunch of weight which has been utterly miserable and continues. Sadly something had to be done, too many good men have been lost in my life these last few years which makes you think. ALSO I was having trouble riding my sportier bikes so the gut just had to go. I’m much more interested in crafting the perfect high speed cornering manoeuvre than I am eating or drinking. Trouble is I’m still wearing all the same clothes so I look like a sack of shit tied up scruffy most of the time.
2024 presented bonsai growers with a shitstorm of weather, at least it did on the east coast. Hand on heart we did not have a warm day here until the latter part of June. I spent less time watering between April and July than I did over last winter. In 35 years I have never known such a piss poor summer. My maples were so late many only finally let their leaves go in the last three weeks. Some trees loved it though, i have never seen so much growth on larch, juniper, spruce and mugo pines. Those mountain trees really don’t like heat so they were right at home in the wind-cut chilled expanse of my Norfolk garden. Bike riding was also seriously curtailed and i’m still not over that.
BOF the shovel. All I need for my mental health therapy. Fucking broke down and was off the road for most of the summer. Now all fixed 🙂
September 2024 also saw the launch of our new web site. This whole e-commerce business is a PITA. There are so many rules and regulations these days and of course staying up with all the latest trends, giving customers so many options, payment channels, functionality and security across so many platforms/devices just never seems to end. This latest iteration is by far our best, it took nigh on two years to achieve and costs a shit load of money both to create and run. For all this I have to thank Sarah who you don’t know, she’s the absolute foundation of KB and without her we would be gone.
Like a good few of our customers I look longingly back at those days 20 years ago when I spent July and August compiling our paper catalogue. November was always a throwback to my printing days when we spent the month addressing and stuffing envelopes with crisp fresh glossy print and the whole house smelt of ink and paper. Unlike our first web sites, those paper catalogues still bring in orders. It must be close to fifteen years since I last mailed out a catalogue but some folk are STILL ordering from them.
20 years! Where did that go?
Sadly my annual Christmas holiday break will be interrupted this year thanks to the arrival of several ton’s of bonsai pots this week. These will all need to go onto the website pronto as so many canny folk are getting their spring supplies in early. For the first time I am aware of in the UK we have supplies of BIG high quality glazed pots up to 27″ in a multitude of styles, shapes and colours. We also have hundreds of exceptional exhibition quality shohin pots never seen before. This will appear alongside our extensive range of quality Japanese glazed and unglazed pots now all fully restocked. If I had to guess we probably have 7-800 pot options available and about 15-18 tons of stock.
Lots of big glazed pots available from stock. They’re NOT all just blue or green but that’s what I had to hand.
We have also had shipments of all varieties of bonsai tools, carving tools and 2 tons of Japanese fertilisers like Biogold etc’. There’s over 50 tons of soil products and two tons of wire so whatever you are likely to need chances are we have it in stock right here. It’s safe to say I have never held so much stock of everything but that’s just how this business has to operate these days. Gone are the days when we could pop over to a wholesaler and buy a few odds-n-ends.
And finally I thought I would bend to the endless cries of my adoring supporters. It’s new video time folk (bottom of the page) and this time I have made a throwback to those heady days over 15 years ago when, largely for the first time Youtube got to show proper bonsai in the making. Yes! We have made another Crappy Taxus video. I really didn’t want to spend a week (on and off) in mid-winter doing a tree like this. These days the call of an open fire, the Chesterfield, a very large JD (or 2,3,4) and slippers is strong during these long dark days. However it turned out okay and i’m very pleased I did get off my ass. I managed 9 videos this year which is the best for a long time. If there’s something you think I need to cover in a future edition I would like to hear from you though I can’t promise anything.
For next year Kevin’s been stitching me up again so now I have to make another public appearance at the newly planned Bonsai Fest in Newark or some such next March I believe. I’m looking forward to that, and not, in equal measure but for now I have to go and move this mountain of pots.
Sam, Kevin, Myself & Mr Fest’ Booty.
So, all told, election results not withstanding, 2024 has been one for the books. Not everything went to plan but I didn’t fall off a bike, loose any good bonsai, go broke or die so I recon that makes it a good one even if the summers tan has long gone. I’m happy, the family’s good and business is sound, BOF the shovel is now working 100% and ready for next summer and my benches are full and as we say around here “At least we don’t have bombs falling on the roof” for now at least.
I sincerely hope you have had a good year on balance. The world’s a crazy place right now but even so we have a lot to be thankful for and those little trees work hard at keeping many of us on the right side of sane. From all of us here at Kaizen Bonsai we wish you a very merry and hospitable Christmas and lets all just chill the fuck out and get along.
